FEATURE: The Madness of 'The Crown'

 

The Rolex Explorer 36mm in Yellow Rolesor

God bless 'Watches and Wonders'... I forgot how much fun watch fairs are and in particular how much fun it is watching Rolex fanboys losing their minds over every little thing 'The Crown' does and doesn't decide to do. As ever a quick trawl through YouTube in the weeks leading up to this little shindig offers a multitude of 'Rolex 2021 Prediction Videos', all of which were as wide of the mark as ever... because literally nobody was predicting what Rolex actually pulled out of their very secretive hat.

Now normally I don't pay Rolex a lot of mind, because... well, it's Rolex and I'm simply not a Rolex kinda guy. But today I decided to take the plunge and watched three separate You Tube videos reacting to Rolex's 2021 releases and frankly it was a hoot.

First up was Federico Talks Watches, and Federico milked his exasperation with the brand to the hilt, even threatening to sell his two Rolexes because he was 'done' with this lazy brand. Yeah right Fed. Then there was 'The Time Teller' who is entertaining although I can't really get on board with him because he really hates TAG Heuer and he even made a video called 'Why I never talk about TAG Heuer' and then brings them up every time he wants to make a bash video... 

Poor Jory was so upset with Rolex, he's totally on message with making the Explorer 36mm again - but two tone? 'But... the Explorer is a tool watch,' Jory cried. 'The last thing I need when I'm potholing in a cave is a gold bezel because it will get all scratched up!'

Finally I watched a video from Watchbox Studios where Tim Mosso and another chap with impossibly blond hair discussed the releases in a manner befitting of adults and when the thorny subject of the two tone 36mm Explorer came up did they side step it? Not quite, Mr Mosso pointed out that he didn't think that particular watch was aimed at the US or European markets, suggesting that its true client base was to be found in South America and China. Meanwhile the other chap with the impossibly blond hair countered that at 36mm and two tone Rolex would sell plenty in the US and Europe, but to women.

Which is a point, because a lot of women will wear a 36mm watch these days and putting a gold bezel on that baby is going to make it even more attractive. Wait, I think I hear something, it could be Federico and Jory's heads exploding.... after all, this is a serious watch for serious exploring type behaviours and that means big, beefy men with beards, not women, right! Well it certainly was 60 years ago, I doubt many big beefy men with beards will be climbing Everest with a 36mm watch strapped to their wrist in 2021... 

The hilarious thing is how upset and offended Rolex fan boys get when 'The Crown' doesn't play by their rules. One look at Hodinkee's article on the new Explorer finds over 400 comments, mostly negative and almost exclusively concerning the abomination that is the Rolesor Explorer, never mind the fact that they also released the 36mm Explorer in Oystersteel. 

Here are a few of the more entertaining comments:

Leonarr: In steel it's a tool watch, in two tone it's a 'tool' watch!

Phototristan: I'm actually going to buy the 36mm two tone just to piss off all the haters!

Phil Bailey: The Explorer was a proper tool watch that Rolex left alone. No precious metals etc. Such an Icon. Rolex you have just ruined the Explorer line. I'm out.

WKF: The Everest comments are pretty comical, guys. Everest is exactly where you’ll see the Rolesor Explorer. Where $60k gets you an assured bid for the summit with minimal conditioning, no climbing or mountaineering experience needed! ...seriously. Guides taught class 4 climbing at the Hillary Step. I can’t think of a better time to release a two tone Explorer; better yet, it should have been full 18k to represent how much of a mockery of its past self Everest has become.

Dr Smith: It's worth noting that two-tone explorers are not unprecedented. Google "ROLEX 5501 EXPLORER" to see a TT example from the late 60s. It was only 34 mm and had a gorgeous white honeycomb dial!

Clearly Dr Smith is far too emotionally stable for this conversation and was righteously ignored!

Okay, so it's not just Rolex, TAG Heuer are copping a lot of heat right now for their decision to move the date on the Aquaracer to the six position and for that round cyclops, but I don't think I've seen anyone take it truly personally the way the Rolexistas do. They really do believe that when Rolex do these things they devalue the brand and with it (no doubt) their investments, because for a lot of these guys these watches are investments, even the ones who go out of their way to say they don't buy them as investments.

Graham: Not that I buy watches for investment, but I bought a 214270 in Dec 2019 from an AD. It was overseas and the exchange rate was in my favour. Even before yesterday’s announcement, they were selling 30% over what I paid. The DJIA over the same period has gained about 20%, Nasdaq about 60%, S&P 500 about 25%, and NYSE about 15%. So the Rolex beat 3 of the 4 key markets you’d likely be indexed to. Again, not why I buy watches, but just saying ...

Never mind, Hodinkee has already gone on the offensive with an article berating those foolish enough to air their disapproval. A few months of this and that thing will be trading way over list, order is restored and the whole episode is quietly forgotten. Everyone back on the bus, if you know what's good for you! I have to say though, I don't have a lot of time for Hodinkee, but I totally agree with them that the 'Explorer' is not a tool watch, a Seiko SKX is a tool watch, nothing that costs as much as the Explorer does can realistically be described as a 'tool' watch, it's preposterous.

You know, I have this feeling that Rolex is like Bitcoin, while everyone continues to 'believe' then everything is fine, the shortage continues, the prices go up and everyone is happy. Rolex isn't a watch anymore, it's a commodity and even more than that it's a cult - which is why they get so upset when Rolex doesn't do exactly what they expect. And don't get me started on the 'Rolex is forcing us to buy two-tone'... Rolex isn't forcing you to do anything, nobody has to buy a Rolex, nobody has to buy anything - how are they 'making' you buy their product? For God's sake listen to yourselves!

Honestly, I don't know why Rolex don't just ditch the watches altogether and just create a sealed box with a 'blockchain' code on the side and let people put that in their safe rather than wasting their time actually making something that never gets worn.

Still, the really good news is that Rolex made the Batman available on the Oyster bracelet again (after all the Jubilee fuss of a couple of years ago), thank goodness for that - we can all sleep soundly in our beds tonight huh?