Welcome back to the second part of our irreverent coverage of Watches & Wonders 2023. For part one (which was totally devoted to TAG Heuer, of course) click the link below:
ROB: Welcome back Jim, so where shall we begin?
JIM: Well, how about we start by bashing that hyped and insanely priced IWC Ingeneur?
ROB: Oh yes, a great place to start. Yeah I mean, people have been saying that we are moving into a new era of nostalgia, the 60s is done to death so lets rehash the 70s and possibly the 80s too... and this watch sure looks like it should have come out in the 70s don't it? Though I have to say, I do quite like the funky dial.
JIM: You like it? And you say you never like what everyone else loves! I think it is a decent watch but I am no big fan of integrated bracelet models like this one. And is there anything unique to this watch? When I first saw it, my first thought was that it might as well say Baume & Mercier, Frederique Constant or Tissot on the dial. But just because it says IWC on the dial, the price for this steel watch is set to something crazy like 11k! Can you believe that? I mean, hats off to IWC if they can fool their moronic fans to pay that much, but still. Crazy!
ROB: I do kinda like the dial. Kinda. Ish. You know... but the more I look at it, actually, I'm not so sure. It actually looks a lot like the doormat by my back door... so maybe not. And yes the price is absolutely RIDICULOUS. Like you say, it could be a Baume & Mercier, or... what's that other flipping watch that everybody recently decided was cool... the Girard Perregaux Laureato.
I don't know with that, I feel like all the YouTubers got together and said 'I wonder if we all say the Laureato is cool, can we actually make it happen... wouldn't that be funny?', like a test to see if they can actually influence the watch market. But okay, I am already getting off topic aren't I. Yes this is very tepid and with that price tag it's a solid 3.5 for me.
The thing is, it's Genta. And because he designed two or three iconic watches anything else he designed is deemed somehow 'great' even if it's decidedly mediocre. These people who think everything he ever did was magnificent should take a look at some of the horrors he designed under his own name later on...
ROB: So while we are on the subject of integrated bracelets, what about the new Chopard Alpine Eagle Cadence 8HF?
JIM: I would choose the Alpine Eagle over the IWC any day of the week, no question about it. This new version is OK, I think it goes too far with the sporty aesthetic. Does this one have that super cool high frequency movement? I can see why you like it but for me the Alpine Eagle should have a touch of elegance to it. I much much prefer the new salmon dial which Chopard also presented as a new novelty this year.
ROB: Yeah, I hear you. I do like it, but I agree - I think I would prefer the dark blue dial version I tried on before. This is cool, but it has a different vibe, it reminds me of the titanium Bamford Aquaracer with the orange highlights. And okay, while this one is titanium too, and it does have a high frequency movement, I certainly wouldn't stump up an EXTRA £8000 for a watch that is already pretty perfect.
JIM: Haha are you serious, is it 8k more? Why? Is it only because it is titanium and these Swiss brands are doing their best to add a premium price tag to anything made in titanium?
ROB: Let me check... okay so not quite, twenty thousand US dollars not English pounds, so a bit less than that, but still a hefty chunk more than the original version.
JIM: I don't know about the Bamford comparison by the way. If I squeeze my eyes really hard, drink a shot of Absolut vodka and wish really hard. Then maybe, maybe I can get some Bamford vibes from it too....
ROB: No it's nothing more than the combination of titianium, black dial and subtle orange highlights... pretty tenuous really. Ignore that. The Alpine Eagle is in a different league anyway...
So shall we er, talk about the 'comedy' Rolexes now?
JIM: Do we have to?
ROB: Yes. I knew you wouldn't wanna talk about this, but it is kind of a big deal.
JIM: Ok lets do it. I am just not sure if my language will be allowed on this wonderful blog of yours. Part of me think it is super funny when Rolex is giving the middle finger to the whole watch community, laughing at us all when they show they can release whatever puke garbage they want and people will still praise it. This morning I heard someone say on a shitter podcast that they love the jigsaw puzzle emoji Rolex. Can you believe that? Someone is so retarded, they just cant help themselves saying nothing but good things just because it is Rolex.
ROB: Yeah, part of me wants to play Devil's Advocate and debate you on why Rolex is so cool making this watch, but I just can't. It's complete garbage. But then again, in thirty years it will be like a unicorn piece that will command huge sums of money. You know Rolex fanbois are lunatics, they will pay £50,000 for a Submariner just cos one line of text is in red or something, and you can bet your bottom dollar that to qualify to be allowed to be invited to request the possibility to being considered to be permitted to purchase this watch you will need to have bought at least twenty Rolexes previously. I think the funniest thing about it is that they made it in gold, I mean talk about taking the piss.
On the other hand, I think the bubble dial Oyster Perpetual is way less offensive, or maybe it's just that the jigsaw/emoji is so crass and terrible that by comparison it seems okay. You know, a bit like how the 36mm Plasma Carrera seems quite cool in comparison to the big one with the random diamonds all over it.
Maybe.
JIM: Yeah no doubt it will be valuable and a collectible item for mega rich people. I hope next year they troll us all even harder by making the first ever invisible Rolex. Super rare, stainless steel and so rare you cant even see it.
ROB: Don't be silly. Next year they will just make the Explorer 39mm again.
JIM: But, what is the point of everyone getting so excited about, covering Rolex on all websites, youtube channels and podcasts? Literarily no one will be able to purchase any of these new releases? Rolex will do their best to make sure the watches end up in the hands of grey market dealers who can make huge profits on these watches.
ROB: Well, I guess that's true... but what made me laugh this year was how they deleted a watch that literally no one gave a shit about and replaced it with a watch that looks almost the same but somehow people are falling themselves over to say how amazing it is... even though no one will buy it because it is a tiny solid gold dress watch.
But I get the feeling you are done talking about the Crown, so let's move on to something completely different. The Oris Pro-Pilot Kermit. Whatta you gotta say about dat? I like how they've put that heavy knurling on the bezel to make it easy to grip and turn.
JIM: Oh yeah baby, now this is fun! Was it last year Oris presented these smaller Pro-Pilot X watches in titanium? I am pretty sure they only did three colours and those colours were as exciting as a rainy day in October. Seeing this bright green it feels like this watch becomes what it is supposed to be. Now I just need a bright blue with a Donald Duck date wheel, and a bright orange with a Donald Trump date wheel. Do you know any Kermit enthusiasts who will buy this piece?
ROB: Eh, no I don't think so. I like lime green, but it's a bit too much of it... I prefer my lime green as an accent on a black background, like on my trainers.... or on the old Calibre 16 Aquaracers. Plus Kermit is almost hidden in a sea of green, he would stand out better against black. Not that I want Kermit on my date wheel, or any cartoon character come to that.
JIM: Bracelet looks a bit retarded though doesn't it? Look how that endlink works with the rest of the bracelet.
ROB: Yeah it does look a bit odd, but more importantly... would you care to explain to the readers why this is cool and the Rolex Emoji watch is trash?
JIM: Oh man, now you're coming at me with logic! It is a good question though and I am not sure. Maybe it is because I find the Oris brand to be trash? I think Rolex should be serious luxury but Oris, that brand name has zero impact on my heart. Luxury is about building a strong brand, Oris has nothing in terms of strenghth or brand. They do decent watches at an overpriced price point. And I think they know this and take themselves not serious enough to be able to successfully release a joke and be praised for it. This feels like mumbling garbage, I am not sure. Do you find them both equally offensive and bad?
ROB: Umm, well no, because the Oris is a just a green dial with a Kermit on the date wheel on one day of the month, the Rolex Jigsaw is just... pathetic, if I'm honest. It seems like a watch for the type of person who has 'Live Laugh Love' painted on a plank of wood in their kitchen... but yes, I get your point - the Rolex is so shocking because it's Rolex. If it was Richard Mille it would be easy to just laugh it off, like oh look what dumb shit Richard Mille are doing again, those crazy muppets. But no, it's Rolex... it just seems 'wronger' somehow. I can imagine some Rolex hardcore fanbois being extremely upset about it actually.
JIM: Must admit though, being different and go full R-tard on these shows clearly works as a marketing scheme. Everyone ends up talking about it.
ROB: Sure do, and I think that's a good place to take a break... next time we look at releases from Hublot, Cartier, Baume et Mercier and of course... Tudor.
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