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As I've mentioned before, since the demise of my beloved QP magazine, I really don't take all that much notice of what's going on outside of TAG Heuer world; but now and again something comes along which just can't be ignored. Last year Breitling gave us those unbelievably cool 'Formula 1' style super-quartz watches and this year it's the turn of this... vomit inducing pistachio chronograph.
I know I'm generally out of step with the wider watch community who all regularly soil themselves every time a new watch comes out that looks like it might have been owned by their great-grandfather and usually I can write it off as a divergence of style. But to me the seemingly growing popularity of this unbelievably ugly watch defies understanding.
There are many watches out there that do nothing for me, a plethora of 'vintage' style watches that bother me not. My aesthetic is unapologetically 'modern' which is what draws me to TAG Heuer (of course) but usually I just roll my eyes when yet another 'vintage' inspired piece is rolled out and move on. But this one has gotten under my skin.
I rarely say this, but I genuinely HATE this watch. I hate it's ugly syringe hands, I hate the numbers that are chopped in half by the subdials, I hate that the subdials look too big for the dial, I hate the brown strap, I hate the crown, I hate the stupid 'retro' B Breitling badge that's missing its wings, but most of all I hate that dial. I mean, even in blue I wouldn't like this watch, but it probably wouldn't bother me enough that I needed to expend energy actively detesting it.
Green is the colour of the moment, we all know this, but green isn't the new blue. There's very few shades of blue that can antagonise the eye, but green is a different matter... for every beautiful green there's a disgusting alternative that's guaranteed to make your stomach churn and this is one such colour. I don't know, maybe it's me... well clearly it is me, because everyone else seems to think this is just lovely, but deep down I know they're wrong.
Everyone's holding it up and cooing over it, but how many are willing to drop £6300 on a white elephant like this? When everyone wakes up next year and realises they all had some sort of collective brain-fart we can all just move on, pretend it never happened and never speak of it again... except those who actually bought one of course. Those poor fools will be lumbered with an unsellable watch that nobody wants because, you guessed it - it's hideous!
Admittedly I did have a traumatic 'pistachio' related experience in Belgium once which turned me against it, but in recent times I have bought and eaten several packets of Hotel Chocolat Pistachio Praline with no such problems, so I think I'm over it now. Either way, heed my words prospective customers of the Breiling Pistachograph, just say NO! And if you absolutely must buy one of these, for God's sake get it in blue.
Normal service will be resumed tomorrow.
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